


Captains' Log

by StardustCoeur (SolivagantSleepyhead)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, all of the pairings are mentioned, combination PSS and Captain's group chat, group chat style, oikawa's frothing hatred of ushijima
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23546962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolivagantSleepyhead/pseuds/StardustCoeur
Summary: [10:43pm] ThiccOwl has entered the chat!ThiccOwl: oK so about oikawa’s latest IG postThiccOwl: am i to believe u have not 1 not 2 but 3 captain’s boyfriends at your place right now???[10:51pm] SpaceBOI has entered the chat!spaceBOI: yaspaceBOI: it’s a PSS meeting ;)ThiccOwl: piss ?spaceBOI: P.S.S., asshole >:/
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 271





	Captains' Log

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii! It's been forever since I posted (or wrote) anything. I was going through my computer since I'm trapped inside, and I came across this draft from 2016/2017. I thought it was still pretty funny, and I figured I'd fix it up and post it since I'm sure we could all use a laugh right now! Anyways, that's why some of the references are kind of old. 
> 
> Also! You can probably tell from context clues, but ThiccOwl is Bokuto, Spaceboi is Oikawa, Han-solos-cooler-son-guitar-solo is Kuroo, and Thighchi is Daichi!
> 
> Anyways hope you enjoy! : )

**[10:43pm] ThiccOwl has entered the chat!**

**ThiccOwl** : oK so about oikawa’s latest IG post

**ThiccOwl** : am i to believe u have not 1 not 2 but _3_ _captain’s boyfriends_ at your place right now??? 

**[10:51pm] SpaceBOI has entered the chat!**

**spaceBOI** : ya

**spaceBOI** : it’s a PSS meeting ;)

**ThiccOwl** :  _ piss  _ ? 

**spaceBOI** : P.S.S., asshole >:/

**[10:54pm] Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo has entered the chat!**

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : ohhh he means “Pretty Setters Squad”

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : kenma told me abt it once

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : they basically watch movies, eat snacks, and talk shit about the rest of us ugly losers :/ 

**ThiccOwl** : they are r o a s t i n g us?????? as we speak???????

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : probably bro

**SpaceBOI** : ;)

**ThiccOw** l: actually now that i think about it oikawa’s the only one of us who jumps categories?? 

**ThiccOwl** : like yeah we have the captain gc but the pretty boy gc is,,,uncharted waters

**ThiccOwl** : is this how The Straights feel about girls locker rooms? 

**SpaceBOI** : maybe if you guys were pretty we’d let you come to the sleepovers :) 

**ThiccOwl** : T_T

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : look on the bright side though

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : at least it’s oikawa

**ThiccOwl** : what do you mean

**SpaceBOI** : YEAH WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN??

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : well like if he was a top i’m sure i’d be more insecure lol 

**ThiccOwl** : OH TRUE

**SpaceBOI** : W H A T !!!!!!!!

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : well like...you’re not

**ThiccOwl** : yeah??

**ThiccOwl** : are you HONESTLY trying to convince us that you top Iwaizumi??? I have to laugh

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : lol yeah i can’t even imagine it tbh

**SpaceBOI** : what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! 

**SpaceBOI** : ill have you know that i could slam ass with ANY of them if i wasn’t in a relationship!!!!!! 

**SpaceBOI** : in fact maybe i’d get the whole PSS together and have the prettiest harem in history!!!!!!

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : lmao

**ThiccOwl** : LOL

**ThiccOwl** : we all know ur a bottom quit playing

**SpaceBOI** : fuck!!!!!!! off!!!!!!!

**[11:17] Thighchi has entered the chat!**

**Thighchi** : Wait Suga’s at your place tonight? 

**SpaceBOI** : ya he’s laying on my lap rn ;)

**Thighchi** : BOY...

**SpaceBOI** : ughhhh fiiiiine it’s just his legs 

**SpaceBOI** : your bf turned me into a footrest in my own damn house :/

**Thighchi** : Yeah, he’ll do that lol 

**Thighchi** : But he's fine? 

**SpaceBOI** : oh hes _fine_ fine ;)

**Thighchi** : **Oikawa**.

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : lol thighchi’s gonna kick your flat ass for those derogatory remarks oikawa

**ThiccOwl** : boy the thighchi thing is no joke ive seen his legs u better RUN 

**ThiccOwl** : if he kicks u in the ass ur gonna be just a head and torso the rest of your life

**SpaceBOI** : omf i was joking please don’t kick my ass !!! 

**Thighchi** : I’m not going to kick your ass

**Thighchi** : Koushi has higher standards than you, anyway

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : _obliterated_

**ThiccOwl** : gottem chief

**SpaceBOI** : >:O RUDE!!!!

**Thighchi** : I’ve been texting him all day and he hasn’t answered so I thought something might be wrong 

**Thighchi** : Can you ask him for me

**spaceBOI** : hold on ill c whats up

**[11:34pm] spaceBOI has left the chat!**

**[11:34pm] UshijimaWakatoshi has entered the chat!**

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : woah...that timing is un-fucking-real

**ThiccOwl** : who wants to bet hes sitting in a tree outside oikawa’s window with binoculars tryna catch his secrets

**UshijimaWakatoshi** : I am doing no such thing. 

**UshijimaWakatoshi** : I just completed my exercise routine and noticed that I had more notifications than usual, so I decided to see what was happening. 

**UshijimaWakatoshi** : My timing is a coincidence.

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : mmmmm sounds like something a dude creeping in someone else’s tree would say but w/e… 

**ThiccOwl** : seconded lol

**[11:38 pm spaceBOI has entered the chat!]**

**UshijimaWakatoshi** : Oikawa. Nice to hear from you again. 

**spaceBOI** : yo what the fUCK is he doing here?!

**spaceBOI** : which one of u fucken  **_traitors_ ** added him i want  **_NAMES_ **

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : well not to get involved in whatever thing goes on between the two of you but uh

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : didn’t YOU add him? 

**SpaceBOI** : no way

**SpaceBOI** : why would i EVER

**SpaceBOI** : and for the fucking record the only “thing” that goes on between us is  **NO**

**thiccOwl** : no? 

**SpaceBOI** :  **NO** -THING.  **_NOTHING_ ** .  **_Forever and ever and ever !!!_ **

**UshijimaWakatoshi** : Oikawa. You, personally, added me to the chat to harass me after Shiratorizawa’s defeat to Karasuno. 

**SpaceBOI** : …

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : ……

**ThiccOwl** : ………

**SpaceBOI** : ok nvm u bet your ass i did and i’d DO IT AGAIN

**Thighchi** : Ok that’s all well and fine but did you talk to Suga? ? ?

**spaceBOI** : oh ya 

**spaceBOI** : sug’s mad @ u :/

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : hey! Mystery solved :) 

**Thighchi** : WHAT

**Thighchi** : _WHY_?

**spaceBOI** : that’s~

**SpaceBOI** : a~

**SpaceBOI** :  _ s~e~c~r~e~t _ ! ;)

**Thighchi** :  **W H Y ? ? ?**

**spaceBOI** : b/c it’s not my business?????? ? ? ? 

**SpaceBOI** : if i tell u instead of letting you figure things out it’ll make things worse :/ 

**UshijimaWakatoshi** : I agree with Oikawa. Nothing will be solved if you do not solve it yourself. 

**SpaceBOI** :  _ g o d _ even when you agree with me you PISS!! ME OFF!!!

**SpaceBOI** : why are you even here we all know you hate the chat!!!!!!!!!! 

**UshijimaWakatoshi** : I do not hate it. I simply do not understand the purpose of having a chat between captains of different teams. 

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : uhhh memes?

**ThiccOwl** : memes

**Thighchi** : Memes and drama, mostly. 

**SpaceBOI** : first off!!! Fuck literally all of u that was so unnecessary!!!!!

**SpaceBOI** : second!!! fuck ushiwaka especially!!!! the reason you don’t understand the groupchat is b/c you were biochemically engineered in a lab to be the most BORING person ever and have the depth, personality and likability of college-rule lined paper!!!!!!!!!

**SpaceBOI** : and thirdly!!!! If you don’t get it then you can get!!!! tf!!!!! out!!!!!!!   
  


**[SpaceBOI has kicked UshijimaWakatoshi]**

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : omf

**ThiccOwl** : that was...dare i say...

**ThiccOwl** : iconic..? 

**Thighchi** : Coming here was a mistake can someone kick me from the chat also

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : not happening

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : strap in cuz you’re here forever

**SpaceBOI** : speaking of being here forever

**SpaceBOI** : that’s whats gonna happen if you don’t get ur shit together and remember what u did to piss kou-chan off :)

**Thighchi** : You really aren’t going to tell me ???

**SpaceBOI** : nope :) :)

**Thighchi** : Gdi 

**Thighchi** : I’ll call Asahi and see if he has any ideas. 

**[00:19 am] Thighchi has left the chat!**

**ThiccOwl** : ok now that he’s gone wtf did he actually do?? 

**ThiccOwl** : ive been thirsting for the drama this whole time

**SpaceBOI** : oh he didn’t do anything lol

**SpaceBOI** : kou-chan keeps his phone on silent when hes with ppl because he’s an  _ angel _

**SpaceBOI** : i just like seeing dadchi overreact :P 

**ThiccOwl** :  **_I C O N I C_ **

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : ushijima did not die for this trickery to poison the gc :/

**ThiccOwl** : c’mon bro i kno you love it

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : well yeah i mean of COURSE i do

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : but daichi is going to actually kill u when he finds out you lied to him about his bf

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : and then who will we harass?? 

**ThiccOwl** : tru ://

**ThiccOwl** : we gotta distract him somehow

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : shit we shouldnt have kicked ushijima

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : we could have borrowed his team’s electric guitar version of sugawara to trick him 

**ThiccOwl** : omg

**ThiccOwl** : electric guitar sugawara im c h o k i n g 

**ThiccOwl** : does that mean original flavor™ sugawara is the acoustic version?? 

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : oh absolutely

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : the shiratorizawa one is just the punk-rock cover some XxedgyxX youtuber teen does to get more views

**ThiccOwl** : #bringUshiBackSoWeCanBorrowPunkSugawara

**SpaceBOI** : idc how many fucking hashtags u make youll have to kill me AND defeat my vengeful spirit if you want that fucker anywhere near my gc again bitch

**ThiccOwl** : well do you have a better idea?? 

**spaceBOI** : oooh let’s have a captain sleepover!!!

**spaceBOI** : ill get hard liquor and we can make him forget all about it! 

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : no thanks y’all are loud lol my parents would lose it

**spaceBOI** : boo ur boring :/

**spaceBOI** : loosen up a little~

**spaceBOI** : if ur not getting drunk and intentionally giving your friend short-term amnesia then what’s the point of being 18?? 

**thiccOwl** : u do realize that a captain sleepover would mean Ushijima was invited too right

**spaceBOI** : ...mm

**spaceBOI** : nvm captain sleepover is cancelled forever !!! 

**spaceBOI** : new idea: we all stay far far away from each other until we die :)

**Han-Solo’s-cooler-son-Guitar-Solo** : i like it. very us. 

…

**[7:24am] Thighchi has entered the chat!**

**Thighchi** :  **_O i k a w a. f u c k i n g. T o o r u._ **

**[7:25am] spaceBOI has entered the chat!**

**SpaceBOI** :  _ oh fuck _

**[7:25am] spaceBOI has left the chat!**


End file.
